Catharsis

I went in to get away from the suffocating heat and humidity and there I saw her tucked away in the corner, a familiar face, all alone in a bustling coffee shop. There was a book in front of her, but it was closed. And of course, the obligatory coffee and remnants of something crumbly. I looked at the same old face lost in thought and I realized, I missed her. After all the time we spent apart, all the distance between us, I missed her.

‘Penny for your thoughts?’

And so, the face gets knocked out of its reverie. A start and then of course, that familiar smile.  ‘ Oh my god, it has been a long time! How have you been?’

‘Oh! You know, same old, same old.’

‘Yeah, you look just the same. Corporate life doesn’t seem to have taken its toll on you,” she smiled.

‘Well I wish I could say the same about you. You look different somehow. Older?’

She laughed and then the fake grimace. ‘The years haven’t made you nicer. Couldn’t you have said wiser?’

‘Well look at you, sitting all alone, not even reading your book, lost in your own little world’

‘Oh I was just thinking. I’ve just been trying to read this book again. It’s a Marquez - Chronicles of a Death Foretold. He used to be my favorite author back in the old days. So many people told me, he is gory and morbid. I just found the descriptions vivid. I loved it. And I was in the middle if reading this book, when you know… he died, and all of a sudden it was gory. I couldn’t bring myself to touch it again.

I looked up and asked, “Ho are you? ok?” She smiled and nodded. ‘I am now.’

I didn’t say anything, so she continued. ‘I wasn’t, but I am now.’

She looked out of the window. It had started raining.

Then she looked back with a sad little smile. ‘You know how it is. You have a picture perfect existence till then and all of a sudden death hits you. It is such a sad thing, but it happens so often. That makes it sadder doesn’t it? The fact that it is all so common; someone close to you dies. Sometimes it is someone not so close. It happens to everyone.  And you think, I should’ve met them that one last time, I shouldn’t have fought with them, I should’ve made an effort to get to know them better, I should’ve…

She was looking into the rain again.

‘It is those should haves and those could haves that pull you in. when you really think about it, you know you wouldn’t have done anything differently even if you had the time. You have a life of your own afterall, dreams to pursue, all that.’

A pause. ‘I went to pieces in the beginning. I didn’t know where to turn.’

‘We all tried reaching you but you just disappeared. You know I was just a call away’

 She smiled once again. ‘I just fell off the grid. You know, it’s all so common. I didn’t want to turn to friends and hear all the clichés. I know this happens, I know it will all be ok; but that doesn’t help does it. The only people who would’ve have understood were wrapped up in their own grief. So I had to deal with myself.’

‘ Then one day I decided I had had enough. Enough of the constant gloominess, the swollen eyes, the stuffy noses, the headaches. Everything. I just threw myself at work. That and running, hiking, trekking, jogging, reading, travel, cooking, singing, anything. Just anything to keep me busy. I didn’t want time to think. All I wanted was to fall back in bed at the end of the day into a deep, exhausted slumber.’

‘ And then suddenly, I didn’t have to make an effort for all this. The more I worked, the more work came my way. And the weekends, oh my god, the weekends! Do you know that this is the first weekend I have had free in six months? Things just kept falling in place, one after the other. And suddenly in the middle of all this, I didn’t want to be busy anymore.’

‘ I know people frown on burying memories, but it really helped me. So today, on my free day, I have picked up this book again. After two years,’ she said looking at the book.

She looked up at me, ‘You were right you know. Marquez is really morose.’ Then she put it down with a happy sigh, ‘but I can deal with it now.’

‘Oh look,’ she said,’ the rain seems to be letting up. Better get home before it starts again.’

I agreed. We walked up to the door together and there we parted ways. I turned once to see her walking into the rain, a brave façade for the world. I hope it really is over, I hope she really is ok.