No country for men

“Their parents died in a road accident. Poor things. When they came back to school we found out they were living with the father’s sister because their grandmother was too old to take care of them. She should have tried more, after all they are her grandchildren. Who knows what the uncle is like. And with the girl so young...”

And so, with these few, simple words a mans character was called into question. I have many uncles. And none of them have looked at me as anything but a kid (albeit a misguided one sometimes.) And this is normal. That is to say that these are not abnormal saintly people, they are absolutely normal people with tedious faults which I would be glad to point out. And also, this whole not being molested by your relatives is also a normal thing. The opposite situation, is actually not. 

And yet, when I looked about me in that room when she made that statement, they were all nodding. Why? Because he is a man and men are pigs you know. As simple as that. Maybe he was a Delhi man. They’re the absolute worst kind of men. The kind of men who make Delhi the most unsafe city on the face of the earth. Thankfully for me, the journalists are out there in hoards today to make sure that I know exactly what is wrong with Delhi and well, India too. They know how to set it right too. Death Penalty – that will fix ‘em.

Although somehow, it didn't. Then we figured out what the real problem was. THE SYSTEM. The police move too slowly; the judiciary don’t convict enough people. Conviction rates for rape cases is about 25% - and this is for cases which were decided. They are letting all those rapists get away!!! And that my dear friends, is what makes India so unsafe.

The numbers unfortunately, do not seem to agree. The “rape rate” in India is 2 per 100,000 people (2008 to 2012) period. For US, the same number is much higher at 28.6. Sweden at 66.5 and South Africa at 114.9. Now of course, we have the problem of unreported cases. Obviously that number is much higher. However, studies indicate that even there, India is not on the top. Meaning, Delhi really may not be the most unsafe city in the world.

All this is not to say that rape in India exists only in our imagination or that India is a safe place for women. But heck, it ain’t very safe for men either. In fact if we go by the reported rape cases in Delhi, they paint a bleaker picture for men than for women. The Hindu, in its article “The many shades of rape cases in Delhi” came up with this fascinating piece of information. “Of the cases fully tried, over 40% dealt with consensual sex, usually involving the elopement of a young couple and the girl’s parents subsequently charging the boy with rape. Another 25% dealt with “breach of promise to marry”. This is to say that of the fully tried cases, a massive 65% is not the violent crime we associate with the word rape.

No wonder the “system” moves slow. And thank god it moves slow. And as long as it needs to deal with this tangle of deceit, it will have to move slow.

So next time you light candles for rape victims, maybe spare a thought for the people who get pulled into fake cases. And the next time we ask for death penalty for rapists, let us also negotiate a  stricter punishment for those who misuse the law to try and achieve their own twisted purposes. And also maybe go a little slow on the hyperbole.

As a s(n)ide note – I did want to mention another factor which leads to rapes. Alcohol. No one really says it out aloud, but it’s there -hiding in the corner of the article a inconspicuous – “the men were intoxicated...” As if that has anything to do with what follows. 

The Haunting

He jumps out of nowhere. He has been lying in wait in the shadows under the parapet. He steps forward and in the darkness I catch the glint of something in his hands. Then suddenly I wake up to the sound of my own screaming. It is still dark around, but mercifully, a familiar darkness.

The dream has ended, but reality is a different monster altogether.

Catharsis

I went in to get away from the suffocating heat and humidity and there I saw her tucked away in the corner, a familiar face, all alone in a bustling coffee shop. There was a book in front of her, but it was closed. And of course, the obligatory coffee and remnants of something crumbly. I looked at the same old face lost in thought and I realized, I missed her. After all the time we spent apart, all the distance between us, I missed her.

‘Penny for your thoughts?’

And so, the face gets knocked out of its reverie. A start and then of course, that familiar smile.  ‘ Oh my god, it has been a long time! How have you been?’

‘Oh! You know, same old, same old.’

‘Yeah, you look just the same. Corporate life doesn’t seem to have taken its toll on you,” she smiled.

‘Well I wish I could say the same about you. You look different somehow. Older?’

She laughed and then the fake grimace. ‘The years haven’t made you nicer. Couldn’t you have said wiser?’

‘Well look at you, sitting all alone, not even reading your book, lost in your own little world’

‘Oh I was just thinking. I’ve just been trying to read this book again. It’s a Marquez - Chronicles of a Death Foretold. He used to be my favorite author back in the old days. So many people told me, he is gory and morbid. I just found the descriptions vivid. I loved it. And I was in the middle if reading this book, when you know… he died, and all of a sudden it was gory. I couldn’t bring myself to touch it again.

I looked up and asked, “Ho are you? ok?” She smiled and nodded. ‘I am now.’

I didn’t say anything, so she continued. ‘I wasn’t, but I am now.’

She looked out of the window. It had started raining.

Then she looked back with a sad little smile. ‘You know how it is. You have a picture perfect existence till then and all of a sudden death hits you. It is such a sad thing, but it happens so often. That makes it sadder doesn’t it? The fact that it is all so common; someone close to you dies. Sometimes it is someone not so close. It happens to everyone.  And you think, I should’ve met them that one last time, I shouldn’t have fought with them, I should’ve made an effort to get to know them better, I should’ve…

She was looking into the rain again.

‘It is those should haves and those could haves that pull you in. when you really think about it, you know you wouldn’t have done anything differently even if you had the time. You have a life of your own afterall, dreams to pursue, all that.’

A pause. ‘I went to pieces in the beginning. I didn’t know where to turn.’

‘We all tried reaching you but you just disappeared. You know I was just a call away’

 She smiled once again. ‘I just fell off the grid. You know, it’s all so common. I didn’t want to turn to friends and hear all the clichés. I know this happens, I know it will all be ok; but that doesn’t help does it. The only people who would’ve have understood were wrapped up in their own grief. So I had to deal with myself.’

‘ Then one day I decided I had had enough. Enough of the constant gloominess, the swollen eyes, the stuffy noses, the headaches. Everything. I just threw myself at work. That and running, hiking, trekking, jogging, reading, travel, cooking, singing, anything. Just anything to keep me busy. I didn’t want time to think. All I wanted was to fall back in bed at the end of the day into a deep, exhausted slumber.’

‘ And then suddenly, I didn’t have to make an effort for all this. The more I worked, the more work came my way. And the weekends, oh my god, the weekends! Do you know that this is the first weekend I have had free in six months? Things just kept falling in place, one after the other. And suddenly in the middle of all this, I didn’t want to be busy anymore.’

‘ I know people frown on burying memories, but it really helped me. So today, on my free day, I have picked up this book again. After two years,’ she said looking at the book.

She looked up at me, ‘You were right you know. Marquez is really morose.’ Then she put it down with a happy sigh, ‘but I can deal with it now.’

‘Oh look,’ she said,’ the rain seems to be letting up. Better get home before it starts again.’

I agreed. We walked up to the door together and there we parted ways. I turned once to see her walking into the rain, a brave façade for the world. I hope it really is over, I hope she really is ok.